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Why does nothing ever go Robert Downey, Jr.'s way on the West Coast? When he's not playing a strung-out indentured hustler in Less Than Zero, he's suffering the indignities of HUAC chivvying as Chaplin. In Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, a postmodern pretzel of a murder mystery, Downey's fortunes are even bleaker, but that hardly matters since Shane Black's cleverest script is also his funniest. Val Kilmer as a puffy gay detective on every kind of make, and Michelle Monaghan as the unimprovably named moll Harmony Faith Lane, help hurtle Raymond Chandler into the 21st century with a self-consciousness that just couldn't work in print. At the very least you'll get a grammar refresher on adjective/adverb usage and a fair sense of how long a thumb can stay viable unattached from a hand. -- MW

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BOOKS:

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Murakami {A Japanese detective story/war novel/Kafka rip-off. It's great.}

Love, Poverty, and War: Journeys and Essays, by Christopher Hitchens {First drafts of history, second thoughts on received wisdom, versatile meditations on great works of literature -- all by a man who can write about anything.}

The Code of the Woosters, by P.G. Wodehouse {The Rise and Fall of the "Black Shorts," and the best of Bertie and Jeeves. You'll need Wodehouse in your life eventually. Start here; you've 89 or so more to go.}

The Prophet Armed: Trotsky 1879-1921, by Isaac Deutscher {Magnificient biography finally back in print, along with Volumes II and III. But better start before the revolution -- and Deutscher's conscience -- was betrayed.}

Satan: His Psychotherapy and Cure by the Unfortunate Dr. Kassler, J.S.P.S., by Jeremy Leven {A sorely forgotten modern classic. Leven has since swapped the galley for the camera, directing such keepers as Don Juan Demarco and The Legend of Bagger Vance. Satan has relapsed.}

Colossus, by Niall Ferguson {Why the U.S. can't hack neo-imperialism, much to Niall's chagrin.}

Reflections on a Ravaged Century, by Robert Conquest {Don't even try to have an opinion about the twentieth century without reading him.}

Scoop, by Evelyn Waugh {One of the funniest books, ever. Shrinks the remainder of the "innocent abroad" genre to the vanishing point.}

Put Out More Flags, by Evelyn Waugh {Lapidary prose on the frisson between the wars. Basil Seal riding low before he rides again; Auden and Isherwood lampooned as "Parnsip and Pimpernell."}

The Complete Stories of Evelyn Waugh, by E.W. {Nasty, brutish and short, in short form.}

The Origins of Postmodernity, by Perry Anderson {Terrific writer from the London Review of Books and New Left Review, who ought to be more famous than he is, tackles lucidly the abstruse bloodhound gang -- from Habermas to Jameson -- of Theory.}

Saul Bellow: Novels 1944-1953: Dangling Man, The Victim, and The Adventures of Augie March, [Library of Congress Hardcover Edition] {Look: it's his world, we all just live in it.}

The Counterlife, by Philip Roth {How Portnoy learned to stop complaining and write a brilliant postmodern novel.}

Rise of the Vulcans, by James Mann {Probably the only low-blood pressure source on Bush's brain trust. Valuable for charting the progression of neo-neo-conservatism, and how Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz contravened, and then dismantled, the Kissinger realpolitik foreign policy machine.}

Money, by Martin Amis {Forget Bonfire and Psycho. It took the English author of The Moronic Inferno: And Other Visits to America to effectively chew up the Reagan era -- largely by reminding us that it was also the Thatcher era. A fine lesson in history repeating, too: Di and Charles were TV's original Ben and J. Lo; the Self-on-Massi sex tape is where Paris (if she can read) might have learned her stuff; and the cavalier cash flow in this soft-boiled checkbook who-dun-it tale rivals that of any West Coast dotcom monkey a decade later.}

The War Against Cliche and Experience, by Martin Amis {If Amis kept on doing what he did in his award-winning collection of critical essays, James Wood would lose more hair. It's saying quite a lot that his non-fiction exceeds his fiction. Experience is by far the best memoir to appear in the last decade: a more muscular Speak, Memory, it's a midlife nostalgia trip pureed out of chronology, though somehow more cohesive than a stream-of-consciousness hodgepodge. Guaranteed to pluck at the coronary sinews for anyone dealing with the loss of a father.}

Lucky Jim, by Kingsley Amis {A comic genius on academia, Amis is the pitch-perfect representative of postwar male rage. None of that Angry Young Man, stuff, though. His apoplexy is hilarious at any age. The faces: "crazy peasant," "sex life in ancient Rome," "shot-in-the-back." Moo, by Jane Smiley, The Straight Man, by Richard Russo and everything by David Lodge seem impossible without this Platonic key ring to rule them all, and on the campus, bind them.}

The Letters of Kingsley Amis, edited by Zachary Leader {Pay close attention to the letters to Philip Larkin -- together with Larkin's Collected Letters (try eBay, sorry), these constitute the documentation of one of the most rewarding and hilarious literary friendships to date. Amuse yourself by guessing the exact page number where Kingsley abandons Communism.}

The Stories of Vladimir Nabokov, by V. Nabokov {I'm way underqualified, with my mean years on the planet, to state critical opinion. Still in larval adulation, which I understand is a longterm afflication. Read Anthony Lane's review in Nobody's Perfect. And M. Amis on Nabokov in toto in the prenominate War Against Cliche. And get a dictionary.}

The Moral Obligation to Be Intelligent, edited by Leon Wieseltier {The style is dated and stilted, but the insights are not. Especially worthwhile: the Orwell essay, the Mansfield Park burn, and "The Situation of the American Intellectual at the Present Time" (i.e. "What Do They Know of America, Who Only the Upper West Side Know?"}

The Irresponsible Self: On Laughter and the Novel, by James Wood {The bling to Dale Peck's blah.}

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, by David Foster Wallace {Self-indulgence and the consequences of a missing-in-action editor never had it so good. The state fair, cruise ship and TV pieces are the best. But also read the Lynch essay: it'll make you want to re-watch Blue Velvet, which you can conveniently buy below.}

Collected Poems, by Philip Larkin (edited by Anthony Thwaite) {Poetus mirabilis and, after Auden, the occupant of a near empty Hall of Metrical Wonders in the Postwar Anglophone wing of the museum. Master ironist and curmudgeon you least want to bludgeon.}

Paris 1919: Six Months That Changed the World, by Margaret Macmillan {A dryly told account of global dust-settling after what was then myopically known as "the Great War." Explores the follies of Wilson, Lloyd George and Clemenceau, which helped bring about WWII.}

Doomed, Bourgeois, In Love: Essays on the Films of Whit Stillman, edited by Mark Henrie {Discreet charms of the bourgeoisie given the scholarly treatment by the kinds of New Criterion-y people who liked Grosse Pointe Blank because John Cusack's assassin refused to unionize. Don't let the pedantry taint your judgment of Stillmania, though.}

Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books, by Azar Nafisi {A beautiful paean to Western literature from an Eastern scholar living under Islamic statism; the Gatsby trial and Jane Austen dance chapters are particularly enjoyable.}

The Persian Mirror: The Elusive Face of Iran, by Elaine Sciolino {For those with short odds on the next war of choice.}

Nobody's Perfect: Writings from The New Yorker, by Anthony Lane {He needs to stop it with the creepy drooling over Natalie Portman, but Lane is still the best around for losing it at the movies.}

The Collected Short Stories of Roald Dahl {Adult stories, less like his childrens stuff than what O. Henry would have been like if his ironic plot twists had involved wife-swapping, cannibalism, or turning infants into superhuman bee-monsters. Might be fun for the kid who never reads, actually.}

The Chicago Manual of Style, by the University of Chicago Press Staff {and the ghost of Allan Bloom.}

The Brothers Karamazov, by F. Dostoevsky, translated by Pevear and Volokhonsky {Incest! Murder! Theodicy!}

Collected Non-Fictions, by Jorge Luis Borges {A prose impresario short-winded enough to keep beside the toilet -- especially if your john is in a labrynith that transcends spacetime.}

Love and Hydrogen: New and Selected Stories, by John Shepard {Stories narrated by John Ashcroft, John Entwistle, Nazi rocket riders, the creature from the black lagoon, and others.}

My Life and Hard Times, by James Thurber {Think of David Sedaris, in turn of the century Columbus, Ohio. And without the gay schtick, or even a pretense at respect for his family.}

ALBUMS:

You Are the Quarry, by Morrissey {He's back! And almost paid off the deficit incurred by Maladjusted. A few gripes: "America Is Not the World" never fulfills the promise of its title. It's an unwieldy blunderbuss, not a rapier -- and the use of "hamburger" as synecdoche for our national obesity problem is a new hackneyed low for the Oscar Wilde of the microphone. "I Have Forgiven Jesus" ultimately works, but I can't help but feel that that one was just too easy.}

Weightlifting, by The Trashcan Sinatras {Remember them from your college radio daze? A brisk homecoming track, appositely named "Welcome Back" ("Everyone survived / Everyone's alive!" -- well, thank goodness) kicks off this highly accomplished return to musicmaking for an alt-pop band that shouldn't have stayed away so long.}

Strange Bird, by Augie March {With a name like Augie, it has to be good. It is. Analogs fail me.}

Evergreen, by Echo and the Bunnymen {Best 80's Band Comeback Album. No contest.}

Mermaid Avenue, by Billy Bragg and Wilco {A fucking classic. Ukanian bloke Billy Bragg manages to capture the rhythms of dustbowl Americana better than Dylan -- the obvious disciple/witch doctor to perform a Woody Guthrie resurrection -- ever could do. All lyrics by Guthrie, music by Bragg and Wilco.}

Don't Try This at Home, by Billy Bragg {Most people who hear Mermaid Avenue invariably want more of the man who brought it to them. This is Bragg's most "accessible" solo album, though not without the politics that's defined his career. "Accident Waiting to Happen" is a punk snarl against cultural fascism.}

Galore, by Kirsty MacColl {May this earth angel charm the knickers off the winged principalities. MacColl died a few years ago in a boating accident, but I can only imagine how well-attended her funeral must have been by the panoply of musicians guilty of "sampling" her Celtic nightingale voice. This album consists mainly of covers, but that's more than all right for someone generous enough to never ask for top billing, despite consistently stealing the show.}

These Are the Vistas, by the Bad Plus {"Smells Like Teen Spirit," the jazz standard. No kidding. Comes off not just better than you'd expect, but brilliantly.}

SMiLE, by Brian Wilson {Reviewed here. Check to the right.}

The Soft Bulletin, by the Flaming Lips {And the hard singing voice to take, but worth it anyway.}

It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, by Public Enemy {More complicated rhymes and denser loops than have been on the radio before or sense, plus the guy with the big clock.}

Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?, by the Unicorns {Morbid, tinny, wildly innovative and beautiful.}

Loaded: Fully Loaded Edition, by the Velvet Underground {Funny, Lou Reed doesn't usually look this happy. Must be Laurie Anderson's doing.}

Traitor In Our Midst, by the Country Gazette {What you always thought bluegrass was supposed to sound like.}

The Modern Lovers, by the Modern Lovers {Speaking of Lou Reed, remember the guy with the guitar who gets shot in Something About Mary? Imagine that guy redoing "White Light/White Heat," but with lyrics about aging with dignity and eschewing drugs. That sounds like a snark, but its actually the SAM guy, and John Cale produced.}

The Queen Is Dead, by The Smiths {I can't believe you don't own this already. The summa of the Moz/Marr collaboration.}

The Boatman's Call, by Nick Cave {The Prince of Darkness may have been afraid to board a plane after 9/11, but this "New Testament" sound is proof of moisture's sustainability in Hell. "Into My Arms" is sweet enough to play your girlfriend on Valentine's Day, leaving the oldie-but-dreary "Deanna" to blast at her when she dumps you.}

No Cities Left, by The Dears {The lead singer cried when Morrissey asked the band to open on the "You Are the Quarry" tour. That kind of gone-to-pieces sentimentalism can only lead one place: straight down. Get 'em while they're new and good.}

The Boy With the Arab Strap, by Belle and Sebastian {Might as well order that black V-neck sweater, Rimbaud's Collected Poems, while you're at it. "Theoretical" bisexuality not a requisite, despite what angry twee detractors say.}

FILMS & TV:

Cannibal! The Musical. {Trey Parker's college thesis, a feature-length movie musical about the only American ever convicted of cannibalism. Not for all markets, but better than most of his later stuff.}

Before Sunset, directed by Richard Linklater {The sequel that doesn't feel like one. Why thirtysomethings who chat are more interesting than twentysomethings who do likewise. Some sluggish moments, but all made up for by a luminous final scene that made me fall in love with Julie Delpy once more. Bet it made Anthony Lane "spill [his] Sprite" again, too.}

Collateral, directed by Michael Mann {Tom Cruise has always been a hard-working, as opposed to naturally gifted, actor. This part was his pension come early. Michael Mann is the Richard Avedon of the moving Los Angeles image. And Jamie Foxx ain't too shabby, either.}

The Unbelievable Truth, directed by Hal Hartley {Surreal-ish debut from a master indy filmmaker and satirist. Yes, that is Edie Falco as the diner waitress.}

Henry Fool, directed by Hal Hartley {Hartley's masterpiece. Probably the only movie about writers that's ever worked. Barton Fink, anyone?}

Metropolitan, directed by Whit Stillman {Downwardly mobile 60's college jet set. Making a film about this demographic is like trying to play matchmaker to a Republican leper in Northampton, Mass. That the dialogue (and it's all dialogue) stays liquid-tongued is a monument to Stillman's talent... dare I say, genius?}

Barcelona, directed by Whit Stillman {Anti-Americanism when it was more funny than scary. The "subtext" speech belongs in Bartlett's. The DVD commentary is, as someone from the earlier film might say, "priceless."}

The Last Days of Disco, directed by Whit Stillman {An assault on 70's cliche in the best possible way -- the anti-54. Also known as Yuppies: A Defense. Chloe Sevigny gives grace to the one night stand, instead of head to Vincent Gallo.}

Mr. Jealousy, directed by Noah Baumbach {Who wouldn't hunt down the ex-boyfriends of Annabella Sciorra? Eric Stoltz had fewer difficulties with girls in Mask. Chris Eigeman from the Stillman flicks swaps Mayflower pedigree for facial hair (modeled on David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest jacket photo), to varying degrees of success. An underrated romantic comedy, but don't say I didn't warn you: this film may engender awkward relationship conversation. It may also plant supersleuth-stalker seeds in frail men's heads. Or so I've heard.}

Blue Velvet, directed by David Lynch {So many epigones, so far from this mark.}

Father Ted: The Holy Trinity {BBC TV series about three priests on an island. No, not that kind of series, you sick fuck.}

The Office - The Complete Collection (First And Second Series Plus Special) {Creator, writer, director and star Rick Gervais used to manage Suede and now this. That's enough laurels for one lifetime. He can die now.}

Arrested Development - Season One {To think that Teen Wolf Too was just a glimpse of Jason Bateman's potential.}

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This Sporting Life

The History BoysThanksgiving is English movie week at Snarksmith, mainly out of gratitude to my Bristol-born stepmother who carries on the special relationship every year by cooking a feast in honor of an event that began her country's loss of imperial privilege. That's surely one kind of good sportsmanship, though this post is about another.

I haven't yet seen The History Boys but I was quite taken with the play. However, the critics have already missed a rather obvious feature of Bennett's brief against faddish and gimmicky academism in that this is also a story of masculine athletic competition.

Lamenting the decline of British teaching standards is as old as Lucky Jim, but rather than have us focus exclusively on the profs, Bennett gives us an equally compelling group of cocky, brash students, whose constant out-marshaling of one another serves as counterpoint to the quieter but more earnest rivalry going on in the faculty lounge. Among the boys there's the typical class hierarchy of heartthrob, fat yob and shy lad, all vying for limited Oxbridge acceptances the way their American counterparts might MVP trophies in the state championships. The struggle between Hector and Irwin is waged at least as much in the interests of idealism and utilitarianism, respectively, as it is for the sake of earning the boys' undivided affections. This theme, too, is fungible with the sports drama: The noble coach is getting a little long in the tooth but short on victories; the young, arrogant greenhorn is hired to replace him with dubious effect on team morale. Old coach is restored in the end to lead his boys to one last hurrah.

That "The History Boys" is set in a romantic adolescent aerie, where Auden, Hardy and homosexuality abound in more or less equal measure, only makes its macho games of oneupmanship and witty persiflage more hilarious. Bennett aimed for the classroom but also managed to hit the intellectual locker room.

I think this one of the reasons, apart from the natural Anglophilia of American theatregoers, that the play has performed so well in the country that produced Hoosiers and Bull Durham and The Replacements. All the analogies to Dead Poets Society and Goodbye, Mr. Chips are misleading, and not just because the Yank version of love and glory on the quadrangles traffics in wet nostalgia over arch derision, prefers the 'maverick' to the conservative teacher every time, and keeps any hint of forbidden sexuality a matter of innuendo rather than stolen motorbike gropes. What price dreaming spires when Dakin offers to blow you after school? (If you saw Tom Stoppard's "The Invention of Love" performed in New York, realize that Robert Sean Leonard took his Dead Poets character from latent to blatant in the figure of A.E. Housman.)

"The History Boys" has more in common with Chariots of Fire; its ensemble is in training for a kind of Olympics of pretension, where brains rather than muscles are being exercised, if not alarmingly hypertrophied, for the attainment of a badly-desired goal. The way the boys wield "gobbets" -- Irwin's term for the snatches of poetry they have ready on command or at the slightest free associative prompting -- is the way Jimmy Conners used to return a baseline shot between his legs at Wimbledon, or the way Tiger Woods still idles on the Augusta green by bouncing a golf ball in perfect stride on his five-iron. It's all male showing off. The plumage enters into it.

Stereotypical though it may be to say, the English do have a special skill at wowing with their rhetorical flourishes or instant recall of the printed word, which is why you'd better come modest matching dirty limericks with The Hitch. It's also why Stoppard threw down a faux volleyball court on stage for the playing of the Question Game in "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead." Martin Amis made his alter ego Charles Highway a leaky spigot of precocious but annoying Theory in The Rachel Papers, a novel that was also about the preparation for A-Levels, with a pre-Thatcherite Literature Boy discovering the difference between "learning" and education. Here is the don tasked with reading Highway's essays:

"For example. In the Literature paper you complain that Yeats and Eliot... 'in their later phases opted for the cold certainties that can work only outside the messiness of life. They prudently repaired to the artifice of eternity, etc. etc." This then gives you a grand-sounding line on the 'faked inhumanity' of the seduction of the typist in The Waste Land -- a point you owe to W. W. Clarke -- which, it seems, is just a bit too messy all of a sudden. Again, in the Criticism paper you jeer at Lawrence's 'unreal sexual grandiosity', using Middleton Murry on Women in Love, also without acknowledgement. In the very next line you scold his 'overfacile equation of art and life.'" He sighed. "On Blake you seem quite happy to paraphrase the 'Fearful Symmetry' stuff about 'autonomous verbal constructs, necessarily unconnected with life, but in your Essay paper you come on all excited about the 'urgency with which Blake educates and refines our emotions, side-stepping the props and splints of artifice'. Ever tried side-stepping a splint, by the way? Or educating someone urgently, for that matter?

"Donne is okay one minute because of his 'emotional courage', the way he seems to 'stretch out his emotions in the very fabric of the verse' , and not okay the next because you detect... what is it you detect? -- ah yes, a 'meretricious exaltation of verbal play over real feeling, tailoring his emotion to suit his metrics'. Now which is it to be? I really wouldn't carp, but these remarks come from the paragraph and are about the same stanza.

"I won't go on... Literature has a kind of life of its own, you know. You can't just use it...ruthlessly, for your own ends..."

Using liberal arts for one's own ruthless ends is of course the fashion these days. The British make themselves easy targets for lampoon because in the sixties they started convening their "brains trusts" around television audiences; they really did want highbrow endeavors to become a form of popular entertainment. Niall Ferguson now writes his documentary scripts before his bestselling books. And he complains that he was unfairly made the model for Irwin.

Bennett is a fan of America, if not so much its current political orientation. He had ample reason to turn his sites on us for dramatic parody: When his terrific older play "The Madness of George III" was set for a film adaptation, the U.S. producers wanted the title changed to The Madness of King George. How would moviegoers expect to follow the story if they thought they'd missed Parts I and II? We should therefore be grateful Bennett presented a land of the cheats, home of the knaves that wasn't, for once, the one you'd expect it to be.

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By Michael Weiss {British bloggers stand up to threats of libel lawsuits., originally published in Slate.}

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By Michael Weiss {How cognitive behavioral psychology can help High Holy Day Jews who repent too much., originally published in Slate.}

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By Michael Weiss {Spineless scalawags are sabotaging the most promising leftist doctrine in decades. Don't let them., originally published in Jewcy.}

The Dilettante's Guide to the Michael Vick Scandal
By Michael Weiss {Seven ways to liven up the inevitable conversation this weekend, originally published in Jewcy.}

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By Michael Weiss {What not to name your blog, published in Slate.}

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By Michael Weiss {A survey of the Estonian cyberwar, originally published in Reason.}

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By Michael Weiss {Ian McEwan's On Chesil Beach, originally reviewed in The Weekly Standard.}

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By Michael Weiss {Three poseurs who would have Marx spinning in his grave (plus their real-deal counterparts), originally published in Jewcy.}

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