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Thursday, December 2, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Ukrainian Intrigue... When it was later discovered that the influential literary-political journal Encounter, to which Orwell and a handful of anti-Communist academics had contributed, was actually funded by the C.I.A., Labor leader Roy Jenkins quickly applied thumb and forefinger to an incipient progressive flame by declaring, Well, good for the C.I.A.The compliment is apparently worth repaying, though not by those who think they have "uncovered" yet another case of agitprop with Washington origins. The Guardian has long struggled to resemble an institutional newsletter published by chin-dribbling, electro-shocked paranoiacs, and it holds steady in this effort with a recent insistence that 300,000 oppositionists in Kiev are all Langley-wired drones, not pissed off democrats. Anne Applebaum goes to town: Versions of this argument -- that pro-democracy movements are in fact insidious neocon plots designed to spread American military influence -- have been around for some time. Sometimes they cite George Soros -- in this context, a right-wing capitalist -- as the source of the funding and "slick marketing." Sometimes they cite the evil triumvirate of the National Democratic Institute, the International Republican Institute and Freedom House, all organizations that have indeed been diligently training judges, helping election monitors and funding human rights groups around the world for decades, much of the time without getting much attention for it. Next up: Muqtada al-Sadr and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi are also Foggy Bottom Boys, looking to undermine nation-building in Iraq and bring back the more "containable" puppet Saddam Hussein. In fact, if you read Leo Strauss' Natural Right and History upside-down, in blacklighting, in front of a mirror, on Rosh Hashanah - It. Reveals. All. --MW [#] Kerik New Homeland Security Honcho... I saw this guy on Dennis Miller last week. For some reason the phrase "chunks bigger than you in my stool" comes to mind, as does "New York exceptionalism." The latter holds because only would this great city produce a man who looks like a walking maproom of undisclosed teamster gravesites, but also knows the zip code for Umm Qasr. Senate confirmation is supplanted by a steel-cage peony pruning match against Richard Armitage. --MW [#] Making It Periodically Inconvenient to Grab a Paper Down At the Corner Store: Priceless... The BBC reports on a new Israeli credit card in the works that won't allow transactions on the Sabbath. This ten-million shekel business is expected to pull in plenty of ultra-Orthodox Jews who don't believe in shopping during God's day - and who apparently lack the willpower to just stay not buy anything. What does it mean when your currency is more devoutly dedicated to religious dogma than you are? The cards might also never work in stores that open during Sabbath hours. Visa: it's everywhere G-d wants you to be. --ND [#] Ballard Ear... The politicized end of the world is hardly new to art. Slightly more original is that event's actuation by, or origin in, the United States: a chiliastic locale whose existence obviates its invention, and where the difficulty lies only in selecting the ultimate countdown formula from an apothecary of conditional poisons. Postindustrial pollution: an old stand-by, to be sure. Nuclear holocaust: still good, but less viable since the '80s. Man-made epidemia: Yup, yup. Third world hegemony backlash: very en vogue. Outlet mall teenage anomie: eBay and Amazon are making this less relevant, but we'll do lunch, babe. After all, how could we not be the sovereign roulette square upon which everyone is stacking his eschatological chips? Notable exceptions include the recent English films 28 Days Later and (parody) Shaun of the Dead, both of which were modeled on -- American zombie flicks. But in the realm of literary science fiction, we find ourselves still cresting a trend of the "postmodern" novel - infinite in jest as well as messianic left-wing sirens about the big curtain call - that presumably only an actual apocalypse can ever bring to a halt. Then again, maybe not. Britain's J.G. Ballard once wrote a book called Hello America. Now, if pressed to decode the value-weighted "gist" of that book without having read it, you might find all the data you need in the previous sentence. The two cited countries bear a grammatic-critical relationship, with Britain as the subject, America the direct object, and any number of transitive verbs not very nice indeed. Would it surprise you, for example, to hear that the Ballardian U.S. has become a continental sewage dump which 22nd-century Europeans set out to explore like hazmatted Everest junkies? Or that the Manhattan skyline - let us tread carefully here - has been blotted by a "200-storey OPEC Tower which dominate[s] Wall Street, its neon sign pointing towards Mecca"? The arid West gets the elemental treatment (always a J.G. hobbyhorse), with Las Vegas turned into a half-submerged Atlantis of wading fluorescent kitsch, "a violent mirror reflecting all the failure and humiliation of America." (Yeah, I lost a bundle last time I was there, too.) We're well beyond D.B.C. Pierre's Booker win, so I should think that none of the above is especially disturbing in retrospect, save perhaps a vague "prescience" about the NYC petro-Babel and its portentous eastward gaze (although capitalism and religion are always yoked allegorically in something very much like this; look at Auden.) Up for grabs, however, in the What-The-Fuck department is Ballard's latest book -- of quotations. Yes, quotations, which some twit called John Strausbaugh at the New York Times is good enough to review this week. It had to happen eventually. A fantasist and cult doom peddler would earn himself a Bartlett's of portable prophecies and gnomic runes about man's inhumanity to man at the service of oppressive of bourgeois technology. The surprise is that this fantasist and cult doom peddler would be the one given such an honor. You may remember the Ballard novel Crash, if for no other reason than it deprived you of a necessary and decorous right to use the clichÚ "car wreck" in describing its moral and stylistic content. The film adaptation, which could only have been directed by David Cronenberg, made James Spader creepy for life and non-vanilla sexual fetishes on the silver screen endurable only at foot level. Why Ballard above, say, Asimov or Heinlein or LeGuin, for a Book of Quotations is unclear except to Mr. Strausbaugh. Why do British writers so love predicting the future? Maybe it's because their culture is so thick with the past. That's strike one, right there. But it can't just be British. Where Mr. Clarke is the high priest of sci-fi's faith in the human intellect manifest in technology... Strike two. (Has he even read 2001: A Space Odyssey? If HAL was a sign of "faith," then what does Clarkean agnosticism look like?) And not just British and pessimistic, but polemic: Mr. Ballard saw the World Trade Center attack as a kind of brutal intrusion of the imminent future into the present. "The attack on the World Trade Center in 2001 was a brave attempt to free America from the 20th Century," he opines. Opines. Thank God for that. I was afraid he states it as fact. "The deaths were tragic, but otherwise it was a meaningless act." And in another passage: "The horrific newsreels are effectively the greatest disaster movie to date. ... My fear is that in due course the 'remake' of 9/11, with the ultimate in special effects, will inspire Americans to more than revenge." We need a quote book for this stuff? I'd rather pick up a copy of The Onion. He is not usually so callous. In 2001, he remarked: "Americans are highly moralistic, and any kind of moral ambiguity irritates them. As a result they completely fail to understand themselves, which is one of their strengths." Wednesday, December 1, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Domo Arigato... This week's New York Times Magazine is better than usual. The cover, featuring a child assembling an airbrushed, smiling photo of himself, suggests it's going to be dedicated to another bout of upper-class handwringing about giving children everything without ruining them. There's some of that, but the magazine is mostly about toys.In particular, the focus on this awesome new gizmo called Robosapien. This is the toy we all wished existed when we were children -- a programmable "robot" that's complex enough to fool with for days, simple enough to understand in a few minutes of play, simple enough to sell for $99 but sophisticated enough that nerds are already cracking it open and sautering new parts onto its shell. Its creater clearly knows what he's doing. Example: Robosapien has 28 hidden functions that do not appear in the manual. For example, you can shut the robot down, and "when he dies," as [creator] Tilden put it, "the last word he says, and it's the only English word he has right now, is 'Rosebud' -- which is from Orson Welles's 'Citizen Kane.' If you remember, you wait the entire movie, and you find out Rosebud was the name of his favorite toy. So just imagine the poetic symmetry. Just before Robosapien dies, he has a dream of another toy." And then there's the interview with the guy remodeling F.A.O. Schwarz where the NYT asks if his ideas don't amount to a "postmodern joke"... --ND [#] The Burned Slate, The Ignoble Savage, Big Brother in the Machine... A map without Utopia, Oscar Wilde once wrote (or, more utopianly, said), isn't worth glancing at. A fine sentiment so far as it goes, but just how far has it gone and to what human peril? Classic works of literature abound in the study of those visually feasted upon maps, however frayed and edge-seared they may have been. Of course, "Utopia," pace Thomas More, was rarely the point. "Dystopia" was. Nineteen Eighty-Four, Brave New World, We, Darkness at Noon, Fahrenheit 451... the list is probably endless given that the dire prophecies of those volumes - always in some manner dealing with the societal regulation of books and information - have all but faded from Western imagination with the terminus of what Robert Conquest dubbed the "ravaged" last century. Go Middle East, young man! for the new deadly strain of Captive Mind Syndrome. Though maybe not farther east (and not any closer to the middle) than Harvard. Sociobiology has long been thought of as absolutism's inward-turned hurrah. How sinister to finally, successfully enslaven mankind in the prison of the double helix, chain him to his own ineluctable self. (Was not the most haunting sentence in Orwell's masterpiece O'Brien's interrogation room line to Smith: "The word you are trying to think of is solipsism"?) Evolutionary psychologist Steven Pinker wrote a terrific book debunking the bad dystopian nonfiction that has plagued the theory of genetic determinism -- which is really more accurately described as genetic probablism. Now The Chronicle of Higher Education charts the uses and abuses of high school-level biology in the great parables on human bondage of a more statist vintage. Novels about science, scientists reading novels, novels on tape. Truly is this the age when a Leavis-Snow kerfuffle looks like some quaint old non-war once waged by Oceania... --MW [#] Bidden Fruit... After the consensus was reached on a heliocentric model of the universe, someone had to go and ruin the relio-scientific comity but suggesting that PCs were better than Macs. Whew. Thank Christ that one's now settled, too. I'm typing this on a brand new 17-inch G4 Powerbook, as my old laptop, reliable but slow like Orwell's Boxer, headed for the glue factory that is Craigslist. This is the second of two new toys this week, and I say new because my iPod died about three weeks ago and was promptly sent back to Apple for repair. They didn't repair the thing, however. They replaced it. So technically what I got back was "new," as immediately indicated by the only un-hip message this beloved company of brushed steel and Lucite futurism has ever sent me: "Do not steal music," said the cellophane wrapping. Uh, right. Anyway, I'd been told by one of those sunshiney customer service representatives, whom I'll call "Trish" (because she'd call herself that if she had it all to do over again), that not only was my iPod happily doppelganged, but the engraving on it was redone as well - overseas. Sure enough, there's my older sister's heartfelt sentiment burned into the back of iDeux (sorry.) Ah, so this is what globalization has amounted to: Echo and the Bunnymen in my ear on the 6 train. For those of you not sure about what to buy this Festivus, I suggest all Apple-related void-filling products, and also smug cynicism in softdrink form to help prevent any blogging recipients of your magnanimity from sounding like Andrew Sullivan talking about his dog or Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons talking at all. Monday, November 28, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Zander, the Eh... "Daroosh is dead and I am king, / Of everywhere and everything." Yeah, yeah.Alexander can't even conquer New York, and this at a time when the major competition at the Cineplex deals in sexually ambiguous Ph.D.s and natty talking marine flora named "Bob." Are meat-and-potato heterosexuals even allowed to appear in films anymore, asketh the red states? Meanwhile, Matt Drudge, either immune to petty internet taunts or just blind to the gossip he prefers not to see trumpeted in Courier Bold, offers this front-page link to the epic flop of the season (and you'll note not just the headline, but the toga-raising bylines as well):
Alexander the (not so) Great fails to conquer America's homophobes Wonkette and Gawker sit on their hands and bit their underlips with clickable frenzy. Hitch is unimpressed. It's about the colossal battlefield reality of the Macedonian, not his supposed bedroom activities. --MW [#] Sunday, November 27, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Metal Detection and the Mattress that Killed a President... I just ran across this essay on Google while searching for something else. Amazing to think that something as inconsequential as mattress springs could influence history so profoundly. In his brief time in office, Garfield fought corruption and patronage with great success. After his assassination, the still-healing republic was stuck with President Mustache. --ND [#]Thursday, Thanksgiving, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Vaclav Havel to Ukraine: Keep it Up!... Is there anyone besides Putin and the Kiev regime who are on Yanukovich's side? Give it up, boys. Not even Republican US presidents take a "neutral" stand anymore.The names of the candidates, although disturbingly similar (Viktor, meet Viktor), bear a phonetic telos about the curtain call on the End of History. Martin Amis once said that by looking into someone's face you can "make out the area of waste and fatigue, the moonspots and bone-shadow you're bound to get if you hang out in the twentieth century." The same goes for names. Yanukovich is a hard pronunciation, a bad guy's twentieth century name. That's the name of some 300-pound Rubashovian gorilla: shaved head, black leather uniform, truncheon dented from heavy use, torpidly laughing his way out of some grim czaroid oubliette after extracting a "confession." Yushchenko is all susurrating opposition. That's a fricative name. Very soothing. Very democratic-reformist. Very... Velvet. (People often mispronounce Vaclav by Anglicizing it. In Czech, it's "Vahts-lav"). In other words, it's later than the Ukraine thinks. A century ago another train was pulling out of the station, only to have its lurching warm-up speed decelerate into an anticlimactic halt. A conductor saw someone sitting defiantly on the platform, someone who was wanted on that train. What was the hold up? It took Trotsky and Brest-Litvosk to figure it out. Well, not this time. 300,000 people in the streets says it all. --MW [#] Wednesday, November 24, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Hip... The ineffable je nais sais quoi, the gin in the Campari, that tortured allure that's not always sexual but often is... What is hip? If it's anything close to ironic, then a former New York Times reporter attempting to pin down a history of this shrugging apotheosis of pop - that, my friends, is decidedly hip. Or just lame. Whatever, Ben McGrath of the highbrow-hip New Yorker swoons for John Leland's new monograph, which, if you ask me (and why would you? - I'm squareness itself) could sink or swim on concept alone.Not to be confused with The Birth of Cool, the hornblown subtitle to a recently released folio named for a certain Jazz Olympian, Leland's book smartly has Miles burn brighter than the great Wynton Marsalis, and for reasons that, man, don't even bother trying to read about. Still, I think the author has too much fun with himself. I'm with him on Melville, Whitman, James (as in Jesse, not Henry), Dylan (natch), Baker and Pryor... but I just can't subscribe to the cult of Bugs Bunny. The rabbit "made his debut in circumstances of grave danger, calmly seeking enlightenment, as any hipster would... Staring down the barrel of a gun, he uttered his first words: 'Eh, what's up, doc?'" All right: if anything then, it's Mel Blanc who deserves the laurel here, especially since, by animating his wised-up nihilism instead of embodying it, he renounced the very street cred he'd inevitably have coming to him: a gesture of echt-hipness, you better believe. While you're at it, check out this hilarious adieu to current New York City "hipsterdom." --MW [#] Granta Celebrates 25th Year... Or silver jubilee, as our Atlanticist chums like to say... Martin Amis's long-lingering screenplay for Northhanger Abbey is included, as is a previously unpublished short story by V.S. Pritchett. --MW [#] Chicken Kiev... The Ukranian government is looking very unhappy as protests continue for a third day, only increasing in size and scope. (Although not all protesters are for the opposition now.) No matter which way events turn, a strike in some segments of the Ukranian economy looks certain, and a violent crackdown still possible. But the momentum seems to be on the side of the pro-European opposition. Which leads to the question: if the EU someday extends to Ukraine and the Baltic states, will tomorrow's humorists refer to Russia as "Europe's Canada"? And will such jibes finally provoke a Washington-Moscow nuclear exchange? --ND [#] Urban Legends Come True ... We've all heard the one about the person in a foreign country who is drugged and has his kidneys stolen by rogue doctors. But in Columbia, they've gone one step further and abducted an unborn baby by C-section. I really want to say something cynical -- even snarky -- but frankly, I can't think of anything that could make this creepier, unless the stolen infant kills his dad and marries his mom. Which, since they caught the baby-thief, looks unlikely at this point. --ND [#] When Deadlines Approach, Thanksgiving Week, 2004... Drum roll, please. Winner of the most cringe-worthy consecutive sentences in a broadsheet's Arts Section:
"Then comes the moment when we Meet the Parents. Brother, talk about Christmas with the cranks!" What would have happened if an overworked Capitol copy-editor had fallen asleep on the job: "Then we get a load of Mommie Dearest! Jesus, talk about Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S.!" Winner of the most flaming lede paragraph that Icarus has been instructed to fly south of it:
"As one might conclude from following the career path of Scott (Joanie Loves Chachi) Baio, cute rarely ages well. It seems like only yesterday that restaurants were staking their popularity on menus packed with such adorable dishes as macaroni and cheese and s'mores, served in Brobdingnagian renderings of Richie Cunningham's rec room. Can it be that it was all so simple then?" Translation: "New Yorkers' taste in food has changed considerably over the last five years. Or so Elaine Stritch tells me." Tune in next week for another exciting edition of When Deadlines Approach... --MW [#] Al Pacino Thinks He's Jewish Again... It was bound to happen sooner or later. Operation: Shylock Revisited. It took four hundred-plus years to get the first black man to play Othello on the screen (a couple hundred to invent the screen, admittedly), so one would think a genuine Chosen Person could tackle Shakespeare's most 'controversial' (a.k.a. 'anti-Semitic,' 'nastiest,' 'colorful,' 'swarthiest,' 'I-wonder-where-he-summers') role... Fresh off his Golden Globe win for making every wingless mortal in America wish Roy Cohn had been circumsized a few more times ("They say unkind things about me in The Nation? -- Fuck The Nation!!), Pacino continues to chew epic scenery on the dime of a common, if often sticky, characterization mix-up: Jewish or Italian? But going by the hoo-wah!-decibel delivery intoned all over this trailer for The Merchant of Venice, one thing's for sure about the pound of flesh this paisano-ganif will be extracting: ham -- it's all ham. --MW [#] Monday, November 22, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Here Come Da Judge - and a Million Other Nasty Things... Well, at least he didn't Google the end of the world like he did the status of public intellectuals. But juridical jack-of-all-trades (and master of at least one) Richard Posner does again what Alan Derschowitz does with dramatically less IQ and infinitely more whininess: writes about that which he knows some.Posner the Legal Pragmatist endorses the black market sale of babies with the kind of supercool rational panache that libertarians long for when they endorse the free market use of sweatshops. But Posner the Doomsday Prophet, according to Jeffrey Rosen, lands like a dud nuke. I have no way of measuring the strength of Judge Posner's calculus of catastrophes - which take the shape of terrorist immolations, asteroid pulverizations and Terminator-esque enslavements of humanity - except to ask if "cost-benefit analysis" is really the first priority when considering global death, or a series of oh-shit scenarios not far removed from terrestrial and existential finality. Posner's on to his own shortcomings and more or less admits them in the course of this new book, which was inspired (and here's the most rewarding thing in this review) by Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake. Usually it's the wonkishness that begets the fiction, not the other way around. But I suppose we had this reverse order science-culture "resonance" amassing for a while now... Be sure to look for The Dersch's Da Vinci Code of Jury Selection in fine bookstores this spring... --MW [#] Sully's Shady Diagnosis on Bush II... During media-friendly administrations like the previous one, in which press releases were issued on especially good chief executive hair days, there's still a lingering itch to gain deeper "access" into the inner sanctum and assign hidden causalities to the choices the president makes in assembling his staff. Who got hired, and why? Who got fired, and why? Could we have seen this coming? Yet during extremely closed-off and reticent administrations like the present one, in which press conferences are seen as burdensome means of informing the nation that it's now at war, that itch becomes an unsatisfiable compulsion. So like historians who prefer slender reductionist volumes on the First World War or, say, the mercantile indispensability of peat moss in the development of modern civilization, journalists prefer their politicians' heads examined quickly, comprehensively and authoritatively. Andrew Sullivan gets up to this in his latest examination on the Bush cabinet reshuffle, a piece ominously titled, "The Coil Tightens" (where "How I Learned to Start Worrying and Explain the Solipsism" was too long by New Republic standards.) He seems to have the goods on everyone, from Ashcroft successor Alberto Gonzales to the wondrously-named new Education Secretary Margaret Spellings. In short: they're all sycophantic Bush leaguers. Spellings was actually conceived in the canary corpse-littered coal mines of Karl Rove's id in the early 1980's; and Gonzales is one of a handful of Latino right-winger JD's that this post-PC POTUS favors for career advancement. Is it even ironic anymore to think that a Republican would appoint the first Black female - and, if you get your lobes real close to the Washington grapevine, potentially gay - Secretary of State? Sullivan apparently thinks that in this White House, the acceleration of affirmative action after re-election is just another re-election trick. The appointment of high-profile Hispanics and blacks is not accidental. Bush managed to squeeze his share of the African American vote from 9 percent in 2000 to eleven percent earlier this month. By appealing to anti-gay attitudes of many older blacks, he is hoping to peel off some more in the future. Ditto with the Latino vote. Karl Rove knows that symbols can and do matter and that if the Republicans can maintain their grip on white born-agains, and chip away at the Democrats' ethnic bases, then a real realignment is possible. So then why the Gonzales appointment and the Rice promotion after November 2nd? Mission accomplished; rainbow coalitional gestures received loud and clear. Can't we safely sell out the minorities now? And a realignment isn't just possible - it's here. But hang on a minute... Wasn't the dumping of the bigoted holy-roller John Ashcroft a replastering of that selfsame chip on the Democrats' ethnic bases? Many "older blacks," homophobic or not, went enthusiastically and repeatedly for Bill Clinton, who, although a more closeted queer-baiter than Bush, went so far as to use the encompassing phrase "straight or gay" in advocating the expansion of social rights in his '96 DNC acceptance speech. That kind of talk could have upset Harlem, you know. And Bill was practically our "first black president," as the media loved to patronizingly remind African-Americans of all actuarial standing for eight fun-filled years... The consensus echoed by Sullivan is that when Bush isn't projecting diversity outward, he's collapsing intellectually inward and upping the number of yes-men (and yes-women) in his unshakably North Korea-like Ministry of Nods. Many presidents have a kitchen cabinet, or a coterie of White House confidants who balance out a broader selection of official cabinet appointees. But Bush, in his second term reshuffle, has essentially conflated the two. In his first term, he was praised for bringing in heavy-weights who clearly had more experience or clout than he did. He even made some imaginative appointments, putting Alcoa chief, Paul O'Neill, in the Treasury, or relying on Dick Cheney's network to pad out the staffing. That doesn't seem to be happening again. Fierce loyalty is a prerequisite for serving Bush, as O'Neill and Colin Powell found out. Loyalty matters far more than being right or being competent. That's why Rumsfeld is staying and Powell is leaving and O'Neill is regarded in the White House as something only slightly less poisonous than a reporter from the New York Times. And that's why the paradox of Bush's new mandate is that his renewed confidence has led him not to reach out, but to coil ever tightly within. Excuse me, but praised by whom? I seem to recall Bush being lampooned in 2000 as a foreign policy dolt promising to "surround himself" with veteran brainiacs from his father's era. And are disloyalty and competence mutually inclusive qualities in an advisor? It's difficult to imagine someone like Colin Powell would willingly have imploded his own diplomatic career by presenting crap evidence before the U.N. Security Council, unless he too bought, if only grudgingly, the "slam-dunk" theory of another recent Bush "resignee." Or was Powell honorbound to stick strictly to the script when the audience was anyone other than Bob Woodward? Either the consequences of Iraq or the tranche post-retirement "insider" memoirs made it an axiom of popular discourse that Bush favors the people who line up to agree with him. The yawning non-item used to be that he was such a fucking fool as to always require his mind made up for him - who's to say he doesn't prefer the peremptory players with whom he agrees? The truth is we have no idea what gets said between adjacent jogging partners George and Condi, or what meek or not-so-meek hands of opposition are raised in tense Oval Office discussions about Iraq or Iran or Al Qaeda. These kinds of "coil-tighening" insights never do rise above the level of speculation or an attempted x-raying of a lead-encased war room. And even when Dubya begins to make overtures towards the "unity" thing and thinks out loud about putting a few Democrats in his bullpen, it's still more of the same lame monopathology at work: The rumor last week was that Bush was going to ask a Democrat to be his agriculture secretary. Senator Ben Nelson has apparently been offered the job. After a brief buzz about a possibly expansive and bipartisan tilt to further appointments, a reality check was in order. Nelson is from Nebraska. Were he to resign, the Republicans would have a good chance of picking up another Senate seat, and inching toward a filibuster-proof Senate. What looked like an attempt to reach out was, in fact, a bid to seize even greater control. The vise tightens. And the path narrows. Right. The Republicans win the most decisive victory in the history of their party, but if they can only nab one more Senate seat... and from the elite liberal state of Nebraska, no less. --MW [#] Red Ukraine, Blue Ukraine ... In another bit of east-west snarkery, Ukraine has been in a tug-of-war between the pro-Russian incumbent and pro-European Union opposition candidate. There were already several allegations of fraud, a momentum-shifting television debate and an alleged poisoning attempt. Now, after exit polls showed the pro-EU candidate with a lead of three to twenty percentage points (what's the MOE on those?), they're declaring the incumbent the winner after all by a margin of three points, leading to protests in the streets. The Guardian must have a Prozac dispenser next to the office water cooler by now. --ND [#] And Eat Your Heart Out, Bono!... The U.S. convinces the Paris Club to forgive 80% of Iraqi debt. "How to Dismantle a Nuclear Bomb" takes a back seat to how to evaporate national principal. And wipe that smile off your face: France, Germany and Russia had resisted American efforts to forgive so much debt, arguing that Iraq, with the second-largest oil reserves after Saudi Arabia, had the capacity to repay if given enough time. Something You Can't Feel But Can Download... The new U2 album. Here. Almost enough to make you wanna run out and buy a black iPod. --MW [#] Sunday, November 21, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com The Right You Don't Mind... The problem with libertarianism, says the frequently miscategorized conservative P.J. O'Rourke, is the movement's least comprising wing which looks to "privatize the sidewalk." I use the word "movement," by the way, because the word "party" just won't cut it any self-conscious discussion of an coalescence of dogged individualists, and because you know exactly what P.J. is euphemistically alluding to when he uses the word "problem." Trade and military isolationists, gun nuts, Minnesota militiamen, no-government Ayn Randian loonies - what is it that puts them all in ponytails and one-man stage adaptations of "The Paranoid Style in American Politics"? And why do they always assume that human nature is rational and good, as opposed to irrational and bad and best left as untampered with as possible?I'm certainly not the one to be answering these questions. But if you've ever driven by the impressively designed Cato Institute in Washington, D.C., you've found it difficult to assert that libertarianism is not currently the most vogue or influential "alternative" ideology in America, or that it fails to exert such influence in holding to account the theory and practice of consensus politics in America. (Now if only these guys could find a presidential candiate of higher caliber than Harry Browne or Michael Badnarik...) Libertarianism's flagship magazine, which I've noticed has grown in circulation as well as respectability in the last five years, is called, plangently enough, Reason, and for evidence of what I'm talking about, check out this latest piece by Boston Globe columnist Cathy Young. It's about Japanese internment during World War II and racial profiling in general. It's also one of the most refreshing and cant-free surveys of a civil liberties nightmare that's just a mouse-click away on the "free minds, free markets"-friendly world wide web. --MW [#] Things One Doesn't Often See ... I always thought it was the special province of American officials to look silly doing things they wouldn't normally do. Perhaps Bush's diplomatic skills have been underrated if he can persuade a former KGB strongman to don a Chilean poncho at a trade summit. --ND [#] Plum Gig... How nice it must have been for Robert McCrum - a name that could have appeared in any Bertie-and-Jeeves story to identify the enabler of imminent leisure class disaster - to write the latest, and what many are calling the best, biography of P.G. Wodehouse. Less of an occasion for "espieglerie" would be to read this review of McCrum's book by Frank McCourt, whose lachrymose memoir, How I Grew Up in Ireland Covered In Me Da's Vomit*, won the Pulitzer Prize for non-fiction (and might have been worth a PEN award for fiction, as a number of Limerick contemporaries have coughingly suggested.) An oath should be solemnly sworn from now on: "I will not mention Wodehouse's embroilment with the Nazis unless I plan on giving same at least 1/10 of the moral discussion that Orwell gave it." This is bad, mmm-kay: Berlin, for instance. He did broadcast for the Nazis, his tone, as usual, jocular. He lived well and had his German admirers. How can we believe he didn't know the damage he was doing, that he was a Nazi pawn? In psychological terms, was he the supreme escape artist of all time? All around him, before, during and after the war, the world was going to hell in a bucket. He took a look, probably uttered a "fie on it" and retreated to the Drones Club, to Blandings Castle, to those gorgeous mornings when Jeeves shimmered into Bertie's bedroom with the restoring beverage. And that's exactly how it happened, eh, Frankie-boy? Not much of a feast of reason and flow of the soul in that paragraph, which scants on the encoded ironies the creator of Psmith employed in his notorious broadcasts, or the soft-boiled satiric 'awareness' of fascism the creator of Sir Roderick Spode and the 'Black Shorts' demonstrated. And escape artistry adheres to the field of magicman vaudeville, not psychology, ya glib-tongued, tuppence mediocrity. *Actually, the book was called Angela's Ashes, and the name I gave it I shamelessly stole from The Onion, just like McCourt shamelessly stole from Dickens and probably Amnesty International. --MW [#] Saturday, November 20, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com The Two-Character Playwright's Other Character... Michael Frayn's "personal director" is Michael Blakemore, a self-effacing and brilliant manipulator of the stage who's probably more than a slight reason for the success of "Democracy," which, in its decapitalized form, that other English word-genius Ian McEwan once called "the people's pornography." Sounds about right. Fun article. --MW [#]The Party of Self-Criticism... I don't think it would be fair to assume that eight neuralgic years of Bill Clinton forced the erstwhile party of opposition to get tough on the one group it could most consequentially get tough on: itself. A lot of across-the-aisle rapier-plunging was going on in those eight years, as the most expensive presidential library in history is quite keen on reminding us. However, somewhere along the way, conservatives also managed to acquire a taste for self-judgment and self-criticism, for which they're seldom credited. When one of their own fouls up, Democrats - who, it may be helpful to remember, once had everything to lose and little to gain - opt for the desultory couch trip and talk of healing as though it were a man-made 'process' and not an organic inevitability. Perhaps taking a negative lesson from this, Republicans learned to huddle for fifteen minutes before unanimously deciding that the distance of a barge pole is still way too short between themselves and, say, a stupid, Jim Crow-nostalgic like Trent Lott. Thus the irony of compassionate conservatism comes at an expense well worth paying sometimes. To hear David Brooks and John Podhoretz tell it, it's Tom DeLay's turn to miss the memo on the new reactionary hand-shake, and the House Majority Leader could well find himself persona non grata in a party that will evidently leave a few children behind after all. Now, while no one can claim that the current president makes it a matter of policy, let alone principle, to openly disavow the unwanted on his payroll, he does -- how to put this? -- work in mysterious ways. Witness the less-than-ceremonious exits of John Ashcroft, Colin Powell and George Tenet -- a few good men who received a few kind words and maybe a pat on the back or two before being jettisoned into the crepuscular realm of 6-figure memoir contracts. That they had some say in their departures is up for speculation, but what is not worth arguing over is that it was the boss who always, always filled out the pink slips. This, I think, adds to the difficulty in summoning much pity or encouragement for an Establishment Left that thinks of itself as the Lyon of 'resistance' in a Vichy-fied red state dominion. Or that resorts to defending its love of a liberal America by envisioning midnight border hops into socialist Canada - a plan that might objectively be worthwhile during any administration. Indeed, for all the panicky hyperventilation taking place over the kind of 'base' George Bush will have to reward for his continued reign of terror, it's worth asking exactly which chorus John Kerry would have been heeding in January were he the one with earned political 'capital' to begin spending. A party whose mainstream can't even lose a presidential race without exhibiting symptoms of manic depression is probably not up for the challenge of hunting Al Qaeda, fixing Iraq - or, come to think of it, fixing Medicare, paying down the deficit or doing much of anything that doesn't involve some serious in-committee headrest. But now apparently the healing process can wait, too. The patient has to get worse before he can get better. Primal scream therapy is recommended. Let's see... Mouth-breathing imbecility is one good about which every Karl Rove target is becoming a trade isolationist; abortion will no doubt be illicit by 2008; the poor will get poorer at a rate faster than they had been getting poorer since Adam Smith had a neat little idea; and everyone 18 and older with a now-worthless social security number will be lying dead in military fatigues in some sand-swept garrison in the Middle East. That's it, let it all out. And should none of these things come to pass? Well, by then it won't matter because - Hillary will be in charge! No, no! Howard Dean! Actually, you know who isn't so looking bad these days? John Kerry.
I.R. Mess... I don't know if there's much in Bush's second term agenda I could have gotten behind, but his hints at tax reform were one possibility. I'm not saying that moving to a national sales tax would have been a great idea. But the tax code is a loophole-ridden mess with big breaks for undeserving industries and plenty of ambiguity for those with wealth to exploit. A flat tax rate exempting income below a certain threshold -- say the payroll tax ceiliing -- with no or very few deductions could have been the greatest experiment in domestic policy in decades. It may not have made life better, but it would be a risk I would have been happy to take. But to my disappointment, (and Andrew Sullivan's), all those noises about throwing down some serious reform have been scaled back. According to the Washington Post, Bush is thinking about a modest recalibration, adding new deductions for business and investment income at the expense of deductions for state and local taxes and the business deduction for health care benefits. Now, I'm all for the right wing theory that if you help out business, all boats rise, provided you have a centrist like Clinton keeping just enough regulation to make business honest. But this is foolish. It amounts to a tax increase in the states and localities with high taxes in return for a giveaway to the ones with low taxes -- in other words, a blue state-red state transfer. More curiously, it will break the back of the corporate health care system, leavning many more uninsured. If that happens, this tax code could be the best thing that ever happened to the Americans hoping for government health care. Hello, President Clinton, and isn't it nice to have the First Husband back? --ND [#] "Violent Relations" Dept... Chirac just can't stop saying strange and inscrutable things in public. Now he's urging a "fairer" international order based around the United Nations. So I guess we're reallocating the five security council votes to China, India, Indonesia, the United States and Brazil. Up that birth rate, Europe. You aren't getting any younger. --ND [#] Tuesday, November 15, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Jihadis Tremble. Burquas Fly. Hope Survives.... Gore Vidal and Noam Chomsky went looking for that nefarious 'pipeline' in all the wrong places... And Gore especially must be getting old to have missed this.I've always said that Lynne Cheney reeks more of sex than Laura Bush. Now we know. Matthew Arnold dissertation and moral values, indeed. --MW [#] Mullah Strangelove... Well, Iran and Irony both start with the same two letters... And now, in the same month that The Atlantic's favorite son James Fallow "war-games" potential US responses to Iranian nuclear escalation, we find that the febrile mullahs are playing it cool when it comes to getting fissile. (It's all a pantomime, of course. They're still going to press for a nuke, but this puts them that much closer to impossible 'face-saving' maneuvers with which to bait the international community later on.) But there's got to be something in the Persian water supply: a country that seems to be the only place where great works of Western literature are still being read; where some of the '79 embassy hostage-takers* now want very much to be Occidental tourists and reformers; and where and Khomenei's grandson begs to see the 101st Airbone coming to change his country's regime, yet another historical irony drops its veil: European diplomats said Bush's reelection helped the negotiations by limiting Iran's options. Had Democrat John F. Kerry won, Iran might have tried to play for time or probe what policy shifts a new administration was considering, they said. Not quite sure I buy that, but the important thing is that European diplomats do. (* This ought to snag Mark Bowden a National Magazine Award: The soldiers flashed big smiles at us and nodded approvingly. And right there in front of the Death to the USA sign, in front of the faded banners denouncing "The Great Satan," one of the Revolutionary Guards raised his thumb high into the air and said in halting English, "Okay, George W. Bush!") --MW [#] Ker-Powell... Hardly news. You can expect the RNC coaxing to begin coaxing him for a presidential run in 2008, even though he's repeatedly tossed the possibility of seeking elected office. Rice gets State, which is the way it should be. She's been a mediocre National Security Advisor because she's a tough-cookie confrontationalist, not a small-mouthed strategist. Her loyalty to Dubya is a handicap in a cloistered environment, but as his more eloquent and scholarly face to the world, it'll be an asset. I'm not sure if she's the first doctorate to ever hold this office, but this is a woman who's battled bigotries hard and soft growing up in Dixie, stared down Stanford faculty and students in Alto, and reminded a whiny Boris Yeltsin just how low temperatures could drop even in a post-perestroika in White House. She'll be better than Albright in this capacity, and less of a willing media doyen than her immediate predecessor (finally Bush gets to unite his inner sanctum, if not the country.) So... Hadley gets Condie's old job, and I'm assuming Rumsfeld will stay put, as will Wolfowitz. It almost goes without saying that Powell's departure means Armitage's a ghost, too. --MW [#] Friday, November 12, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Yeah, Um, Thanks for the Memories. And Now For Something Completely Different... If you blink, you'll miss the part where King Abdullah mourns the passing of Yasser Arafat in this sawed-off eulogy from today's NYT. Abdullah's piece really clocks in as a MoveOn.org-like plea for the future of Arab-Israeli negotiation, and it's probably for good reason that any royal tears over the dead chairman are thoroughly staunched in the first paragraph: "This was the guy who tried to kill my dad" and all that...Much of the media has been over-kind to Arafat, who, to his dying day, was suborning the murder of Israeli civilians and agitating for the annhilation of the Jewish state. Try to keep from swallowing your tongue when reading that Arafat was the 'only one' to bring the plight of Palestinians to international attention, and remember that the evidently non-existent Edward Said -- who was to Arafat as a hyperion to a satyr -- denounced the terrorist leader of the PLO, knowing his frustrations would only mount by lack of any worthy political alternative. (According to George Stephanopoulos, the preferred Rabin hand-shaker in '93 was Said himself. Clinton couldn't get the good professor to do it.) For a real perspective on the late Arafat, check out HonestReporting.com's bio. Soft on encomiums, hard on truth, which should never be seen as a demoralizing or offensive force in any humanitarian struggle. --MW [#] Thursday, November 11, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com The Spy Who Came In From the Cold... Michael Scheuer can't exactly be called a fan of the Bush administration. Writing as 'Anonymous,' he published a bestselling book this year entitled Imperial Hubris: Why the West Is Losing the War on Terror, which is a title to inflate Niall Ferguson's Cassandran balloon to bursting point.The Atlantic this month excerpts an amazing letter Scheuer drafted for the House and Senate Intelligence Committees, arguing that a top-down overhaul of the CIA wasn't necessary: the problem lay in top-heavy arrogance, stupidity and stonewalling. The longest point of indictment is also the most infuriating: May 1998-May 1999: The CIA officers working Bin Laden at Headquarters and in the field gave the U.S. government about ten chances to capture Bin Laden or kill him with military means. In all instances, the decision was made that the "intelligence was not good enough." This assertion cannot be debated publicly without compromising sources and methods. What can be said, however, is that in all these cases there was more concern expressed by senior bureaucrats and policymakers about how international opinion would react to a U.S. action than there was concern about what might happen to Americans if they failed to act. Indeed, on one occasion these senior leaders decided it was more important to avoid hitting a structure near Bin Laden's location with shrapnel, than it was to protect Americans. Two other points: the truth has not been fully told about the chance to militarily attack Bin Laden at a desert hunting camp being used by wealthy Gulf royals; and our best chance to capture Bin Laden—-an operation which showed no U.S. hand, risked no U.S. lives, and was endorsed by senior commanders of the Joint Special Operations Command at Fort Bragg—-was cancelled because senior officials from the Agency, the Executive Branch, and other Intelligence Community components decided to accept assurances from an Islamic country that it could acquire Bin Laden from the Taleban. U.S. officials accepted these assurances despite the well-documented record of that country withholding help—-indeed, it was a record of deceit and obstruction-—regarding all issues pertaining to Bin Laden between December 1996 and May 1998. The makers of this decision ignored the extensive documentary record that showed nothing but uncooperativeness from this Islamic country. [Bolds my own.] And now we get to read in today's NYT that George Tenet is commanding $35,000 a pop in speaking fees, with the proviso for each lectern-mounting that everything he says be 'off the record.' This was the man who not only referred to the presence of WMDs in Iraq as a 'slum dunk' case to the president of the United States, but a year before that was heard to wonder if the hijackers of 9/11 had anything to do with those weird Arab enlistees in a Miami flight school... Instead of adding a 'sanctity of marriage' amendment to the US Consitution, we might think about tacking on a no-bullshit bureaucratic accountability one. Epidemic in this and nearly every administration is a resistance to the pink slip. If the quandary is over 'saving face' or performance of the delicate eggshell-traipse that obtains in Cabinet appointments and the filling of exigent national security posts, there's a simple solution: if your workplace stigma is a body count, you're fired. --MW [#] Why 'Insurgents' Isn't Even Euphemistic... So: American and Iraqi military have uncovered evidence of a 'hostage slaughterhouse,' where foreign aid workers and members of the newfangled Iraqi National Guard, were brutally and methodically murdered on film. Would it be demanding too much to say that this is not the activity of a 'rebel movement' or a national insurgency, but the collusive psychopathology of peasants and gangsters? It's no longer a matter of dressing up terminology to adopt some pathetic and impossible media stance of neutrality or objectivity -- as if what's happening in Iraq were classifiable objectively as a 'war,' let alone, to anyone with a brain and a conscience, a morally ambiguous one. Euphemism is one thing, but inaccuracy is another: the euphemism in this case would be to describe the followers of Zarqawi as 'complicated loyalists;' complicated because their allegiance to Saddam Hussein is one of convenience and not of core belief. 'Insurgent,' apart from its technical defintion as implying a non-belligerent disavowal of civil authority, also requires that the existing civil authority or government be recognized as legitimate and, therefore, worth having a grievance with. But the Fallujah thugs do not recognize the emerging government in Iraq. For them, Saddam's fall is still occurring in slow motion, and their role is to furiously rewind the tape to prevent his regime's ultimate topple. Insurgency also would indicate an embryonic revolutionary force, which in this case, is incarnate in the democratizing and liberalizing targets of the so-called 'insurgents.' Laziness and desensitization are never allies of language, so much so that those other antagonists of tongue, cliche and truism, are what the preceding observation amounts to. But in the midsts of reading about daily setbacks and torments in the cause for a free Iraq, we should be asking ourselves what will happen the next time a genuine insurgency does spring up in some bleak and choking corner of the world, where a noble revolution from below is attempting to take hold? How will the US view such a phenomenon -- or the insurgents that are its prime movers -- after all doubt has been stripped away from this serious and worthy war term? --MW [#] Odds on New Bond... Ewan MacGregor is the 9/4 favoritre among William Hill bookies. Here's the full list. You'll note that at 100/1 is Tory MP and enfant terrible of The Spectator, Boris Johnson, who was profiled in an excruciatingly bad Vanity Fair piece by Michael Wolfe a few months ago. --MW [#] Wednesday, November 10, 2004 - snarktip@snarksmith.com Yasser Arafat Is Dead... And the chances for a viable Mideast peace process are renewed. New York Times, Washington Post, Jerusalem Post, Guardian. --MW [#]I Was Just Going To Say, 'Eight O'Clock?' You Are a Legitimate Phenomenon!... There's an interview with Bill Murray in this month's Esquire that anyone within the radius of a lounge lizard's swinging microphone to my level of fandom should read. One other thing Bill Murray won't do: He won't say what he whispered to Scarlett Johansson at the end of Lost in Translation. "I guess the answer is, there's somethin' that makes it impossible to tell," he says. "But I'll tell ya a good story about it. I'm gettin' on the ferry at Martha's Vineyard, and some guy yells out from across the way, 'Bill, what'd ya say to her?' Everyone hears him ask, and I pause for a second with my mouth open and start to speak. And as I start to speak, the foghorn sounds, about a twenty-five second blast, and I just" -- Murray starts moving his lips silently -- "I acted out like I was saying something really sincere, and the crowd laughed so hard. It was great. I couldn't have bought that moment." Can't you just see him doing that, too. Judging from the trailer for The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, which I hope turns out to be better than the trailer, foghorns feature regularly with Bill these days... And by regularly, I mean exactly twice. --MW [#] The Flawed Stuff... I long ago stopped being awed by the availability heuristic. Uncle. The cosmos won. Whether this particular psycho-objective gag was more heavily weighted on the psyche or on objective reality, I didn't know and could not bring myself to care because it wasn't the consistency or intrinsic nature of the phenomenon that impressed me so much as the examples it had seen fit to brandish in my lifetime. So it was that last night I was reading an old Kingsley Amis essay, entitled "The Cockney's Homer." You can probably guess the subject from those three words alone, although the literary preoccupations of the genius who authored them and the subsequent piece of criticism may help you along in the struggle. It's about Charles Dickens, and about him Kingsley writes the following: It is clearly right, as Mr V.S. Pritchett among others has recommended, to swallow Dickens whole, fantasy, vulgarity, weak motivation, improbabilities and all, if one can. But can one? My own experience in reading Dickens, and I doubt whether it is an uncommon one, is to be bounced between violent admiration and violent distaste almost every couple of paragraphs, and this is too uncomfortable a condition to be much alleviated by an inward recital of one's duty not to be fastidious, to gulp the stuff down in gobbets like a man. What, for me, cancels out all that humour, all that movement, all that triumphant concentration on external details, all that magnificient variety, is the ubiquitous, obsessive repetition, the inability to leave anything, good or bad, alone -- what Saintsbury called 'that damnable iteration.' Sometimes this method produces cumulative effects of great power, as in the chain of references to the whiteness and regularity of Mr Carker's teeth; much more often, in my view, it fills the reader with an exasperated ennui. It was a splendid idea to introduce, in Mrs Dombey's death scene, the ticking of the physicians' watches; it was maddening folly to introduce it three times. The same characteristic produces the aura of insubstantiality which can afflict even the more successful minor portraits. They are not so much too flat as too small; their one or two leading traits reappear too often, and reappear unchanged, and go on reappearing. If you excised the, erm, reappearing word "Dickens" from the preceding, along with other corpus-specific allusions to characters and their fates, you would have, I think, a serviceable mad lib for analyzing everything so intoxicatingly wrong with exactly one modern novelist, who, conveniently enough, has repeatedly avowed Kingsley's classic novelist as his textual idol. Here is Michael Dirda in today's Washington Post: I couldn't stop reading [I Am Charlotte Simmons] -- who could? This is Tom Wolfe, after all -- but that didn't prevent me from regarding the author's premise, characters and views as hardly more than an ill-tempered, Mrs. Grundy-like rant against reckless youth and this immoral modern age. Tom Wolfe can make words dance and sing and perform circus tricks, he can make the reader sigh with pleasure before his arias of coloratura description, he can do just about anything in these pages with words, including exaggerate, distort and rant. I should confess that Dirda thinks I Am Charlotte Simmons is more worthy of a Zolan inspiration than a Dickensian one, but the same lineaments of a pain-in-the-ass master storyteller are in here, too. I remember thinking that Bonfire of the Vanities, for all its misguided deep-sucking from the troughs of urban excess and soft-boiled bigotry, was understandably the "event" book of the 1980's, the apex of a triangle whose bases were the Introduction to Liar's Poker and, if you'll pardon even deeper flaws than soft-boiled bigotry, American Psycho. And though I couldn't get through A Man in Full -- which is okay given that Wolfe threw in the towel at the same point I did -- that scene with the "saddlebags" sweat stains appearing on Charlie Croker's shirt was an exquisite work of verbal portaiture. Yet Kingsley's points about Dickens apply equally well to Wolfe. He doesn't know when to shut up or stopping shading in. And the linguistic virtuosity -- which I'll call onomatoprosody -- doesn't so much corscuate as corrode when laid on as thick as Wolfe loves to lay it on. The trouble is, when justice is said and done and all the votes are tallied, eppur si muove. And still the pages turn, too. Looks like I'm in for another, what?, seven hundred pages of laughing and smashing my head against the wall in equal measure. Thanks, Tom. --MW [#] How Falluja Will Be Won... Left out of the more facile generalities of the "Powell Doctrine" (née the "Weinberger Doctrine") is the use of advanced technological weaponry unavailable in the day of, say, Noriega's Panama. Tech Central Station -- the Guns n' Ammo for regime-changers -- has a nice round-up of some of the cooler materiel our troops (and, one would hope, the brave and mostly Kurdish Iraqi forces) will be using in the retaking of Falluja this week. Apart from the annhilation of infrastructure, I hadn't, until now, heard a very defensible reason for not employing an aerial bombardment of the evacuated city at the greatly reduced risk of American and Iraqi casualties. It's a matter of engagement that anyone on the ground is a likely enemy to our guys. Falluja is -- or was -- home to Abu Zarqawi, the most wanted man in Iraq. And this battle is being described as the most massive and signficant sortie since the initial invasion... So why couldn't a bombing campaign kill a larger number of terrorists more effectively? Well, of course it could do, but there's the cost of reconstruction that makes ironic clause one in the first sentence of this paragraph. And anyway, the ground campaign is reported to be moving "ahead of schedule." The problem, however, is that the planning for such massive urban combat, as well as the global reporting of same, gives the enemy ample time to pack up and flee, leaving, as one thug today tells the NYT, only half of its forces to remain and fight -- a mere gesture of cohesion and jihadist mettle, one would guess. What happens to the other half is a lot like what happens to cockroaches when a light is switched on. Their living to die another day isn't salubrious for the coalition or for the people of Iraq, and my sincere hope is that Falluja, even if only a Pyrrhic material victory, is a far greater educational one in the automatic design and execution of these counterattacks, which ought to become increasingly of the "surprise" variety, on fortified residential neighborhoods. But how inevitable is US-Iraqi success in this effort? Well, the A.P. reports that three relatives of Ayad Allawi, one a 75 year-old cousin with no political or governmental affiliation, have been kidnapped by members of 'Ansar al-Jihad,' yet another gang of psychopaths running low on taxonomic originality, I see. Their demands, made at the threat of beheadings of all three relatives? The release of all Saddam-nostalgic detainees in Iraq and -- the staying of the siege on Falluja! --MW [#] Well, Good For Her... I've taken some swipes at Maureen Dowd over the past few months, though I still do respect her and suspect that beneath that lowest-uncommon-denominator approach to holding this administration to account beats the heart of a sinewy, no-bullshit editorialist. (I did reprint some of her Lewinskygate stuff on this site; I think it's her best work.) Now comes Senator Zell Miller's nasty and stupid remarks on Don Imus's show (later, even more nastily and stupidly, reiterated on "Hannity and Colmes") that Ms. Dowd is a "highbrow hussy from New York City." I put those six words under inverted commas because the rest of the sentence is less nasty and stupid and actually quite arguable: "The more Maureen Loud [sic] gets on 'Meet the Press' and writes those columns, the redder these states get. I mean, they don't want some high brow hussy from New York City explaining to them that they're id iots and telling them that they're stupid." Indeed they don't, though the same might be said of an anachronistic, semi-redeemable Foghorn Leghorn showman of Southern contrarianism. Maureen's snarkiness needs trimming in her paid pieces, but in soundbite form it serves her well: "I'm not a highbrow hussy from New York. I'm a highbrow hussy from Washington. Senator, pistols or swords?" What's It All About?... Wayne Llewellyn, the president of distribution at Paramount, is blaming the commercial failure of the Alfie remake on... need I even pause for suspense? The President of the United States! "It could be the mood of the country right now. It seems to be the result of the election. Maybe they didn't want to see a guy that slept around." Yeah, a mediocre triumph of sexism and sentimentality sure was the order of the day back when Clinton was in office. Raise your hands, class, if you think a joke about Mr. Llewellyn's targeting the wrong bush is inappropriate. I actually took in Alfie over the weekend, thinking I might make it the first time in a 48-hour period in which I saw two great, winning comedies in the same theatre. (Sideways was the other one; check to your right for a review of that soon.) No such luck. Jude Law is charismatic and talented and all that, but he's still eclipsed by Michael Caine, whose original performance comingled the affectless lothario with a brutish prole mentality, giving the character at least a latent class consciousness that Mr. Llewellyn might say we don't take too kindly to in these-a here Red State parts. The first Alfie, which came out in 1966, was a study in true amorality, and so rightly harsh in consequence for its protagonist. Yet, as I said, the womanizing -- as opposed to the abasement or abuse of women -- is kept in check in the '04 version by a lame schmaltz factor that culminates in Alfie's getting out-classed in his own chill game, with one of the worst Oprah endings of any guy-friendly chick flick I have ever seen. I guess a heart is supposed to have grown three sizes that day or something. And that's about as Freudian or complex as the conflict gets. (A female friend, and by no means a diehard feminist, told me she'd been hoping the growth on Alfie's dick turned out not to be benign after all. So much for the loveable cad routine.) But in lieu of |